As some of you may or may not know, I have been rather…absent lately. For that, I do apologize but I had good cause. Someone that I was close to in RL who, or so I thought, had everything together. She was funny, smart, loved, was loving, kind and gracious. She pulled me back from the brink of my own destruction many a time. Well, somehow, without anyone noticing or observing, she ended her life. I wont sully her memory by dishing about the details of how but I found her. I don’t think I have stopped screaming yet my house is so quiet. I hear it in my head. I feel the tightness in my throat. But nothing comes out. I don’t mean to rant or vent like this but I just don’t have words. I think that is why I have been away, I was looking for words to fill in sentences and maybe fill myself up and piece myself back together again. Please bear with me. Please let me ..find myself and all my missing parts again. Take this never-ending scream away. I don’t think I have cried yet. Will I ever? Will I smile and laugh again? All these things seem so foreign to me now. I am slowly coming back. Only to keep myself sane. Sitting in the dark gives the darkness power over me and I am trying to fight against it but it hurts. I just hurt. My heart hurts. Everything just hurts. Ill be back. Slowly, quietly but I will be. When that image fades a bit more and the colors are more muted and gray than the brightness they are now.